Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
