I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is wine microwaveable?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
