I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
