WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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