I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
