i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
