I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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