Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sobbing to NWA
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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