I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
