Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
