He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
