I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
