Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
