Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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