One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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