I skipped work to stalk him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize