I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
