Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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