I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
