Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
