you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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