Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
