I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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