how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
