Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize