Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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