but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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