i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
