i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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