The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
