My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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