Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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