I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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