So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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