btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
