At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
