I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
God, I missed his penis.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
