We got so high we made milksteak
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
