Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
