Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
