I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
