Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
