i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
