I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
