Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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