Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
