awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
