community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
