that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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