as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
