3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
