Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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