she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I bet he comes in French.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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