did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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