:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
