she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
