I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The air taste purple.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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