yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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