we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I cannot find my penis.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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