they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My ass is underappreciated
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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