You're a womanizer and a bitch.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
