When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Can Purell be used as lube?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
