I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
